Roasted or Smoked Turkey

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Roasting is the safe bet, the reliable friend who always shows up on time. You stuff it, you slather it in butter, and you pray to the poultry gods. It’s the method your grandmother used, and her grandmother before her—basically, it’s the ancestral way to cook a bird.

Here’s the dirty secret: a roasted turkey is a lie we all agree to tell. That golden, crispy skin? Pure theater. The breast meat is usually dry enough to double as chalk, but we smother it in gravy and pretend it’s moist. It’s a delicious lie, though.

But roasting can be a triumph. If you brine the bird for 24 hours (like a salty spa day), and baste it every twenty minutes like a nervous helicopter parent, you get a juicy, crackly-skinned monster. Fun fact: Alton Brown proved that roasting at 500°F for the first 30 minutes creates a skin so crisp it shatters like glass. Science! And also, fire hazards, so don’t try that without a fire extinguisher.